A list of all the words I never bothered to say in one last-ditch effort to get you to stay. At the end of the day you can call me a liar, but you only pray when the church is on fire.
You once were the light at my own tunnel’s end; a cure for the darkness that I could not mend. But the lighthouse has fallen from its perch on the coast, left me stranded like a sailor on seas of broken trust.
And here your words come crushing down on my lungs with the weight of a thousand blistering suns, like the death of a child, a firstborn son at the hands of his family, the ones that he loved.
We sat at the Eve of the destruction of man, where you were the fruit in the palm of my hand. I bartered my soul for one lustful taste of your nicotine passion and counterfeit grace and left the garden with a conscience of sin.
Now I’m counting the stars with the steps that you take, watching you leave with the wind at your back.
It’s just like you to take the easy way out. Don’t forget to shut the door on your easy way out.
Who is this, describing almost exactly how I feel right now through my favorite form of expression?
On Thursday at my school we had to play at a re-scheduled football game. My school’s band was there, and the rival school’s band was there. It was a fun night, but I was reminded that their school’s drum major had died over the summer after collapsing at their band camp… So when I looked over at them something caught my eye as they played their school song.
A star. A single star was right above their band. And when I looked around, it was the only star in the sky that night that I could see. It was bright and was directly above their drum major. I knew it was Alex, and I couldn’t help but smile.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this mad at you for this long,
but at the end of the day when I feel like everyone is against me you are ALWAYS there.
When I NEED you to be, when I’m crying and can’t think, you’re not… but I’ve seen how much you’ve been trying to be more patient and understanding.
I complain about other boys, even, and you sit and listen and don’t judge me.
I tell you things I’m afraid to let anyone else know and you tell me the 100% truth but then tell me that you love me.
I tell you how stressed out I am, how scared I am, how confused and tired and whatever else I am, and you try to make it better, at least temporarily.
You piss me off lately.
I frustrate the hell out of you lately.
But you’re my best friend, my boyfriend, and I love you for everything you are — good and ugly.
You barely talk to me all day…
get frustrated with me for no reason…
and then call me for three minutes.
All after basically accusing me of cheating last night and then saying “I’m sorry, I love you” this morning.
“And everyday that you wanna waste, that you wanna waste,
And everyday that you wanna wake up, you wanna wake,
And everyday that you wanna change, that you wanna change,
I’ll help you see it through
‘Cause I just really wanna be with you.”—"Waste" by Foster the People